Joke Thread

[ogri1st]

heard a busker playing dancing queen on a didgeridoo, I though god thats aboriginal!!

[DigiDiva]

My kinda joke! lol

[GeoffWessex]

The only way a married couple could manage a Sunday afternoon “private time” with their 8-year old son in the flat was to send him out on the balcony with a Mars Bar and tell him to report on all the Street activities.
Their 8-year old began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:
'There's a car being towed away,' he shouted.
'An ambulance just drove by!'
'Looks like the Andersons have company,' he called out.
'Matt's riding a new bike!'
'Looks like the Sanders are moving!'
'Jason is on his skate board!'
After a few moments he announced, 'The Coopers are having sex!'
Startled, his mum and dad shot up in bed!
Dad cautiously called out, 'How do you know that?'
'Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Mars bar !!!

[OldBoy]

Originally Posted by geoffwessex

'jimmy cooper is standing on his balcony with a mars bar !!!

[GeoffWessex]

How to clean a toilet

This was simply too much of a time saver not to share it with you.

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid.
4. The cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power-wash' and rinse.'
6. Have someone open the front door of your home.
(Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door).
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid.
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom and run outside where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the WC and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Sincerely,




The Dog

[GeoffWessex]

Coming back from another recent EC summit in Rome, various European leaders were forced to take the train due to a strike by Swiss ATC controllers; sitting together in the same compartment, travelling through the Swiss Alps, were Sarkozy, Cameron, Merkel and the young and very attractive female Irish foreign minister.
The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, Sarkozy has a bright red hand print on his cheek. No one speaks, everyone is extremely shocked and embarrassed.
Angela Merkel thinks: Sarkozy, not able to help himself, must have groped the Irish girl in the dark, and she slapped his cheek.
The Irish girl thinks: Sarkozy, not able to help himself, must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled Merkel and she slapped his cheek.
Sarkozy thinks: Why me ? That perfidious Cameron must have groped the Irish girl in the dark knowing that I'd get the blame for it and she slapped me...the English *******.
And Cameron thinks: I can't wait for another tunnel, just so I can smack that little French sod again.

[wavemachine]

I heard that Kodak had run out of money, have to say I found that bald bloke with the lolipop annoying anyway.

[OldBoy]

Originally Posted by wavemachine

I heard that Kodak had run out of money, have to say I found that bald bloke with the lolipop annoying anyway.

A lot of people aren't going to get that!

[ogri1st]

Decided it was time to embrace technology, so I bought my daughter an Ipod, bought my son a I-phone, got myself an Ipad but the sh*t hit the fan when I bought the wife a Iron!!!