Take a look at this online DOF (depth of field) calculator:
http://www.dofmaster.com/dofjs.html
From the drop-down lists you can put in any camera you want (35mm film plus digital SLR's) as well as apertures, focal lengths, f stops and subject distance. Have a play and use the same aperture settings and distance settings etc for both the A1 (35mm film which is equivalent to a full-frame digital SLR) and the 1.6x crop cameras such as the 500D. I think that comparing the depths of field, especially the near and far limits will go a long way to answering a lot of your questions.
As concerns 'brightness' in the viewfinder: yes of course an f/1.8 will be brighter than an f/3.5 - remember when looking through the viewfinder the camera is always showing you the view at maximum aperture. It is only when the shutter button is depressed that the lens closes down for the setting chosen by the user when in aperture priority or to an aperture the camera thinks suitable when in full auto. This is the main reason why most cameras have a depth of field preview button.
Brightness to some extent is also a feature of the camera. By way of example, the viewfinder on my 7D is much brighter when compared to the 40D - both 1.6x crop cameras and with the same lens fitted to both.