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Hi Mark
I agree with Jediboy on the composition because it does look as if your young model has been clipped accidentally rather than cropped for artistic reasons , this classic image can work very well even when the model has been cropped in half if not more so it's not that she has been clipped but for me it's the amount that matters .
The other thing that doesn't quite feel right to me is the background it seems more of a distraction than anything else , I think if it was a plainer scene it might work better or even a scene that pulls your eye in past your model and into the distance .
Having said all of that I think the technical aspects of your shot are very good , the exposure is very well balanced from front to back the detail is sharp where it should be and the colours are very natural , there is a small patch on the cardy that has burnt out but I don't think you could of done much about that anyway . If you could pull out a bit more or even crop in tighter you might find a whole new looking image but as all my comments these are just my thoughts .
Mark
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