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Hi Mark,
I'm certainly no expert so these are just my thoughts.
Composition - the arm of the photographer in the photo is cut off and creates an impression that's she's a but cramped. Maybe opening the frame up a bit may help with this. But overall I like the composition, with the photographer offset to one side.
The photographer looks a at underexposed, but you've kept the detail in the white jumper which is good. Maybe a bit of flash could have helped brighten up the photographer.
Also a wider aperture my have helped with DOF for the background, but I'm not sure what you were trying to create here.
Overall, I like the idea of this photo, and it's certainly not bad, but maybe a few tweaks could help.
Like I said, I'm no expert so these are just my observations.
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